Wisdom Well February 2025

Dear Wisdom Well,

I'm a 17-year-old high school student, and I feel like my father never trusts me or sees my side. Every conversation turns into a lecture about my grades, curfew, or friends, always ending in an argument. I'm tired of defending myself, so I stay out more to avoid the tension. My mom tries to help, but it just makes things worse. Lately, I feel unheard, and home doesn’t feel like home. How can I improve my relationship with my parents?

Dear reader, 

I appreciate the question you brought forward. It is a courageous act to ask for help in order to improve your relationship with your parents. 

Research shows that the teenage years can be particularly challenging. Factors that are at play include emotional and hormonal changes, academic and peer pressures and the desire to separate from your parents and become your own person. Of course, the added parental pressure can make this time of transition even more challenging. 

It sounds like there are a lot of an addressed issues resulting in the tension in the relationship between you and your father. However, it is helpful to consider things that are in your control as well as things you can do to influence positive change in the relationship. 

There are few effective ways to navigate and over time mend the fractured relationship. This can come to fruition if all parties involved are agreeable and willing to work towards healing and strengthening the relationship: 

Below I have listed few helpful tips you may try: 

Communication: make efforts to talk to your parents about everyday stuff on a regular basis as this could open the door for deeper connection. If it feels difficult to do this due to the strain in the relationship, ease into it. You can start off with 15-20 minute at a time, discussing about your day and checking in about the events of their day. 

Be curious and ask questions: being curious and asking meaningful questions can be a good skill to develop as it paves the way to making deeper connection with others. It can also be a good starting point in trying to understand the source of your parent’s concerns. You may begin to understand their fears, concerns and triggers. Having an understanding about their motives and intentions may result in a more empathetic approach, rather than avoidance. 

 Set healthy boundaries: boundaries are healthy. Every individual has the right to establish boundaries with others. In the context of parent teen relationship boundaries have to be communicated and negotiated. For example, if a parent is in the habit of walking in the teen’s room, a boundary can be to ask the parent to knock before entering the room. 

Spend time together: there are many benefits associated with spending time with family. Some of the benefits include building strong emotional ties which can help with overcoming challenges. Spending quality time with family also helps create self-confidence. It is also a great opportunity to learn conflict resolution and problem-solving skills. You can 

start by spending time with your parents doing mutually enjoyable activities whether that is going for a walk, enjoying a favourite show or cooking and eating a meal together. 

To conclude, conflict between a child and a parent is common. It is how the conflict is dealt with that ultimately determines the quality of the relationship. It is also important to note that your parents’ emotions, actions and behaviours are not your responsibility. The only person you have control over is yourself, your thoughts and behaviours. Bearing that in mind, trying out the above strategies could be a good place to start. 

Family counselling can also be a powerful tool, to help mend the relationship and forge a new way forward. I also want to emphasize that healing the relationship between you and your parents is a worthwhile effort as a healthy relationship between a teenager and a parent is imperative to the overall well-being and development of the youth.